“Don’t let your reality define your reality. Let your possibilities define it.”-Judith Anodea
Nobody asks for bad things to happen to them. However, you do create much of your reality. Denying this means you deny your power accepting that everything happens ‘to’ you and not ‘for’ you. In your life, there are things you control (what you think, feel, and behave), do not control (pandemic), and influence through your actions (love or hate). Focusing on what you can control is where the creation of your reality begins. If you experience divorce and you think, “I will never be good enough.”
With that thought you spiral into negative emotions, i.e., sadness, engaging in behaviors that consciously and unconsciously shut you off from the opportunity of another relationship. However, if your thought is, “I am now free and excited to explore what I really want.”, then your emotions and behaviors will be very different creating better. It is your choice to decide what will be your focus.
What will you choose to think, feel, and behave as experiences happen creating your reality based on your beliefs? Your focus and the meaning you give the experience becomes your belief. If you hold those beliefs, you will interpret your life experiences through a filter that matches your belief of what is true. If five men show interest in having a relationship with you and one does not, your focus becomes the person who was not interested. This is the one consistent with your belief that you will never be enough. You create your story and narrative as the main character that you constantly tell yourself and others – not enough, worthy, or capable. This creates anxiety and your reality based on what ‘will’ happen versus what ‘has’ happened. Creating your reality is to experience meaning, purpose, and well-being in your life. Fortunately, with the right focus it is within your reach.
You give your power away to be the victim of your life when you deny, reject, or are unaware that your brain works in this way. Now that you are aware it comes with a choice to get your power back and take ownership of the life you want to create. There will always be things outside of your control. The tendency is to fight hard with what you cannot control to get control of it. But it does not work. It takes you off focus on what you can control that brings more joy. When out of your control experiences happen, remember that you ‘do’ control how you think, feel, and behave about those events. Choose to see and seize upon the opportunity despite the rejection developing resilience.
Ask yourself when you are in a reality that you do not like:
• How can I better relate to what has happened to me?
• What needs to happen to take a small step forward?
• What are the old wounds that keep me stuck and unhappy
and how can I heal?
• What is the reality I want for my life? Why is it important?
Am I using my reality to access the more loving or fearful part of me? Why? Do not brace yourself for rejection or criticism becoming overly cautious and defensive in a way that keeps others distant. Do not test other’s loyalty pushing them away to avoid rejection. Resolve those past wounds. Engage your feelings and yourself in a more positive, compassionate, kind, loving, and accepting way looking at your experience just as it is. This is not a new thought, but ideas expressed over several millennia:
• “It is done unto you as you believe.” Jesus
• “What you dwell upon you become.” Buddha
• “Whatever a person’s mind dwells on intensely and with
firm resolve, that is exactly what he becomes.” Hindu
• “We do not see things as they are. We see them as we
• “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Norman Vincent Peale
• “You see it when you believe it.” Wayne Dyer
• “Remember, you are co-creating your life with the energy
of your own intentions.” Oprah
Let them be a reminder that regardless of your surrounding experiences you always have a choice on how you will respond and perceive the experience. You have a deep interconnection with the “wholeness” of life. So, you are always creating reality and having reality created around you every moment. In essence, you co-create your reality never being independent of your Creator. This way you do not have to make sure everything works perfectly in your favor, but you see that everything as it unfolds as already perfect. Consciously co-create with the Universe to bring meaning, joyfulness, and well-being into your reality.
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”-Henry Ford
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