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  • Writer's pictureGladys Agwai

Discipline Your Disappointment!

“The moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind.

You have made room for love, joy, and peace.” -Eckhart Tolle

Most people know someone, or they themselves have been fired, laid off, not hired,

promoted, or accepted. People have lost clients, family, or friends. They have

also lived or are living through a divorce, breakup, health, political, or economic situation. These experiences can have a significant negative impact on one's thinking, behavior, and results. Often people deny they have been rejected and pretend to others all is perfect! Being rejected attacks

their self-esteem causing them to feel like they do not want to get out of bed! Most people get frustrated and angry taking it out on others while making themselves sick! Too many people

continue living the rejection long after it has happened as it disrupts their need to belong.

According to the National Science Foundation, we have up to 60,000 thoughts per day. And of those thoughts, 85% are negative with 90% of our negative thoughts repeated. As a result, there is a negative tape that consistently runs unless you do something to disrupt that negative pattern of thinking. No one knows the future for certain. However, it is certain in today’s environment to be aware that change is complex, inevitable, rejection comes from it, and the need for it exists in your life, business, and career.

You must step up and take ownership of your thoughts and behaviors which requires you to do things differently. You must struggle against uncertain odds and persevere through the unknown toward a better future. With change comes the pressure to adapt or be left behind. And you will get left behind when you treat change as a solo event opposed to understanding change will always be present and eminent. Change does not end. The good news is that your greatest gains will come from change if you learn how to understand, challenge, and manage the certainty of change and discipline

your disappointment. Mark R. Leary, PhD, and professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, said, “Concern with rejection is perfectly normal. But being excessively worried about it to the point that we do not do things that might benefit us can compromise the quality of our life.” Most people who bounce back quickly from rejection come back even stronger than before, while others never try again. It takes them a long time to get back to where they left off let alone ahead.

How do you discipline your disappointment?

Acknowledge and accept it! It happened! You were rejected! It hurts! You did not deserve

it! Too often you suppress, ignore, or deny the anger, sadness, and frustration from the experience of rejection. Become vulnerable to the pain, feel, and understand it. Move toward your fear! Do not run away from it! Do not be defined by the rejection. Get clear about it. Who or what triggered the emotion? Put a name on it. What is the anger, frustration, sadness about? How is it impacting your life in a negative or positive way? Look at both. Understand, if the emotions experienced is familiar? Have different triggers occurred sparking the same emotions and reactions? It is your pattern of behavior regardless of event.

Forgive yourself and 'it'

The psychologist’s definition of forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness. This also applies to self-forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. The pain is real. But if you choose not to forgive, it can cause sickness. It produces stress chemicals that flood the body both physically and emotionally. You may want to retaliate. However, it does nothing but keep you the victim. Always work to come from a spirit of love and compassion understanding the possibility that the perpetrator was a victim at some point in their life. It does not give them a pass. Know that others have experienced similar situations. You are not alone in the experience. Reach out to a support group or counseling as needed. Do not be defined by it by making sweeping generalizations using words like I will never, or I cannot. Stop the harsh inner critic by being aware it is present, pay attention so you can set an intention to change your mind set to ensure you take the appropriate action.


Once you acknowledge and understand the emotional pain experience and forgive yourself and those who trespassed against you, remind yourself to be grateful. Be grateful for the ability to

have come through past experiences, for the moment to even be able to feel the pain, learn, and grow from the current experience. It means you are alive. Be grateful about how you have come through in the past. Look back on your growth over the years. Many times, getting back on the horse must be from small beginnings, small actions that could be as tiny as the size of a mustard seed. Just keep nurturing the seed. Say, THANK YOU FOR THIS EXPERIENCE AND THE GROWTH IT



Expect that you will be rejected, and it may be more often that you would like. If you are never disappointed, you are living too deep in your comfort zone and not living life to its fullest. When rejection is expected, you can then be more fearless to go for the unknown. Move from your comfort zone through the fear zone to the learning zone and finally through your growth zone. Rejection will continually be repeated throughout your lifetime. Get comfortable in knowing that and continue to lear and move toward what you want from life. Expect the BEST!

“Sometimes you don’t get closure. You just move on!”

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