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  • Writer's pictureGladys Agwai

Dumped! NOT Dumped On!!

How to stop reliving the negative impact of rejection in your life!

"My husband has a girlfriend!” she said in shock. When she confronted him about it, all he asked was “Why were you checking my phone?” In deep despair, she said, “He wants a divorce!” It felt

as though she had been stabbed in the heart!! Two years later, she could barely get out of bed dreading that Valentine’s Day was in just a few short days. Again, she would be alone reliving the negative experience and impact of her divorce falsely comparing her situation to the other “happily” married

women or “unhappy” single women! What emotional pain are you still feeling along with the

negative experiences because of being rejected from a relationship or situation? It can be disempowering! Valentine’s Day represents a day of romance, flowers, and affection but for

others, February 14 is a dreadful reminder of anxiety. Nothing is more painful than realizing it meant “everything” to you and it meant “nothing” to them! Rejection is not just about divorce or a breakup.

It could be you are stuck in a relationship (personal, family, or client) with the other person

unwilling or unable to give you what you need. It still hurts! The emotional pain of rejection can be chronic pain that is continually felt long after the pain experience is over. You are reminded every holiday or when you see other couples/singles! Your mind and body work together and cannot be separated. How your mind controls thoughts and attitudes will affect the way your body controls pain. When emotional pain is experienced through stress, your body will experience distress, such as, raised blood pressure, increased breath/heart rates, muscle tension, tiredness, depression, anxiety, dependence on drugs or alcohol. The current global pandemic has not helped with increased divorce applications and breakups skyrocketing around the world! A leading British law firm Stewart’s saw a 122% increase in inquiries about divorce.

In the US, a major legal contract site announced a 34% increase in sales of basic divorce agreements with 20% of newlyweds making up 20% of those sales. Similar situations are happening in China, and

Sweden. Although divorce rates are low across Africa, there is a lack of trust between

partners with adultery being most common. A lack of commitment, financial constraints, arguing, domestic violence, and substance abuse were also global contributors. More people are finding themselves trapped in situations where they are struggling to cope with their own problems complicated by a keener awareness of problems within their relationships. People change! And with change comes rejection and the emotional cycle of rejection:

• Shock – Surprise the situation happened.

• Denial – Disbelief while looking for evidence it is not true.

• Frustration – Recognition that things are different with some anger.

• Depression – Low mood and lacking energy.

• Experimentation – Initial engagement with a new situation or relationship.

• Decision – Learning how to operate in a new relationship with more confidence.

• Integration – Recovery, replenishment, and renewal.

Each stage of the cycle can be viewed differently to create optimism and drive toward a better future.

• Replace shock and denial with a spirit of acknowledgement, acceptance, and creativity.

• Do not linger in frustration. Optimize how you communicate, behave, and act.

• Do not stay depressed about your circumstances. Choose to ignite that fire within you to have focus to get clear about your next moves.

• Experiment with new experiences knowing your worth and value developing the confidence and competencies needed.

• Be at peace deciding to act by integrating all the lessons to “attract” good in your life.

Your experience with rejection may also prevent or hinder future relationships even when you want a healthy relationship. Do you have one of the common phobias identified by Adam Cox, a Harley

Street based Phobia Guru? While these phobias are more front of mind on Valentine's Day, they could be affecting relationships year-round. Many people have a fear of love or intimacy. It comes from a sensitising event such as a particularly emotional break-up or an unpleasant early sexual experience. Phobias are “unconscious” stimuli and not a choice. Common phobias include:

PHILOPHOBIA: The fear of love causing you to be frightened of developing emotional

attachments. You tend to overthink every possible reason why a person may not be compatible adding pressure on the early stages of dating.

APHENPHOSMPHOBIA: An intense fear of intimacy. You avoid cuddles, kisses, and sex. It is a difficult phobia for partners to understand because the perception is rejection.

MYSOPHOBIA/GERMAPHOBIA: A fear of germs. You worry about kissing, sex, and obsess about your personal hygiene and your partners.

ANDROPHOBIA AND GYNOPHOBIA: A fear of men and women. Usually seen in younger females but can affect adults. This occurs with unresolved parental issues or experienced physical or emotional abuse as a child.

MONOPHOBIA: A fear of being alone. This fear creates a state of desperation and contributes to you staying in unhealthy relationships.

You do not choose to be frightened of love, intimacy, rejection, or germs. Choose to stop reclaiming and reliving the negative impact of rejection in your personal and professional relationships. Being rejected or dumped may be out of your control. However, you do control how you will use the situation to your advantage. Your responsibility as the leader of your life is to turn these challenges into remarkable successes! Your inner peace and happiness are most important! Do not change arbitrary things about yourself to be deserving of love.

You are worthy and enough just as you are. Be whole not perfect! And if you are not receiving the love you want, give the love that is so needed in this world! Choose to seek the appropriate help to support you through the challenges of change, rejection, and relationships to live your BEST life, BEST business, and BEST career!

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Oscar Wilde

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