“If there is no solution to the problem then do not waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem, then do not waste time worrying about it.” The Dalai Lama
Fragility is the ease in which you can be broken or damaged. Emotional fragility is your tendency to feel heightened emotions that are difficult to control weakening your ability to resist intense pressure or attack. A moment of worry becomes a day of anxiety, stress, and panic. An unintended criticism spirals into hours of selfdoubt seeing only catastrophe. A slight against you leads to days of anger and venting. Facing the most ordinary of problems proves difficult. This has resulted in much higher rates of depression, stress, emotional dependence, and suicide all of which impacts the quality of your life.
According to psychologists, these issues are rooted in how you were raised and your interactions with other people. Society demands increased skills. As a result, parents work harder and get their kids to study harder even when incredibly young. You provide your children with every resource possible to ensure they succeed forcing them to excel. Unfortunately, you also shield them from failure. This creates an inability to deal with frustration and make decisions no matter how small. When they leave your bubble, emotional insecurity sets in realizing they are not ‘special’ to everyone and do not have the skills, tools, or strategies to confront the most basic issues. Steve Baskin said, “Prepare your child for the road instead of the road for your child.” Were you prepared for the road and are you preparing others There is always time to overcome emotional fragility. However, your subtle habits and repeat patterns maintain your fragility interfering with your natural resilience. Which of the habits below do you recognize within yourself or those close to you that interferes with your life, business, or career?
Figure you out first! Do you:
• Choke on and avoid painful emotions treating your feelings like problems - Your brain considers this avoidance of emotion to be a threat breeding anxiousness and fear. Allow, accept, feel, and embrace all emotions to heal.
• Feel bad about feeling bad – You are compassionate and nonjudgmental with others who feel bad. However, you judge, criticize, and compare yourself for being weak or selfish. David Taylor-Klaus says, “Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself.”
• Exaggerate every negative possibility believing it is impossible to manage – You have developed a habit believing that terrible things are constantly around the corner that you cannot manage. Avoid needless worry. Solve problems that are realistic threats to your peace.
• Constantly revisit the negative experiences of your past – When you look at your current abilities or aspirations, you remind yourself of your past mistakes and hurts. You are self-sabotaging the progress destined for you. Reflect on your past, learn from it, and move on.
“You are not the product of your circumstances. You are the product of your decisions.” --Stephen Covey
• Overly depend on others to value you and make you feel good – It is human nature to want comfort and support from others. Emotionally strong people ask for help and support to work through their emotional difficulties. But your feelings are your responsibility.
• Fail to set and enforce good boundaries – This failure is a guarantee you will be emotionally fragile. Healthy boundaries mean you have self-respect and stand up for what you need and want.
• Invalidate your emotions pretending to always be happy when you are not – Feeling bad is a part of your human experience. It is not about feeling good or bad but having a healthy relationship with your feelings. Eckhart Tolle said, “Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”
Like physical pain, emotions are signals often trying to tell you that something needs to be addressed. Your fear, sadness, and anger are not a problem. They are signals telling you that something in your life is dangerous, not working, you have lost something of value, or you have been treated unfairly and change must happen. It is critical to your resilience and will minimize your emotional fragility when you are: a) clear there is a signal, b) understand the signal, and c) act on the signal for better outcomes. You do not have to trust and react to your thoughts with the same degree of intensity.
Your self-criticism is a lie. Bring truth into knowing your value and worth.
Do not to let emotional fragility rule your life! Do you think anger is a sincere emotion or a timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? Andrea Gibson
Article Written By: Gladys Agwai
As featured in Business Day: Women's Hub