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  • Writer's pictureGladys Agwai

How to Stop Being a Conflict Addict and Achieve Inner Peace!

A conflict addict is someone who has a pattern of demonstrating a willingness to risk everything for the thrill of argument and creating instability in their environments. Most people have friends, family, co-workers, clients, or managers who are always swirling in a tornado of chaos and conflict. For example, I know someone when at any gathering their engagement ended in an argument.

Everyone would be having the best time and then escalating voices of conflict would be heard. People found themselves getting angry and sucked into his disruption and chaos. He considered it an opportunity and felt satisfied with his power to suck those who listened into his mess. Each time, the person being engaged walked away in frustration and anger, or he was asked to leave. Even then, his mood stayed in the room with everyone reliving the negative situation. My friend is “known” to leave a destructive path of relationships looking for more bridges to burn and buttons to push.

Conflict addiction tends to lead one into depression, anxiety, social dysfunction, and substance abuse. Is this familiar in your circles of influence? Is it you?


Within seconds of engaging in conflict, adrenaline floods the brain due to the stressful environment that conflict brings. If you win the conflict, your reward in your brain will then tie this overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and confidence to the conflict itself. I know leaders who pick at their employee until the employee quits in anger and frustration. Once the conflict is over, the feeling is gone, and the addicts body goes through an adrenaline dump that mimics the symptoms of mild depression. Just like drug addiction, their brain will then want more conflict. New enemies are made from anyone or anything to get the same feeling from the first fight. Eventually, it does not matter how big the enemy is, and the harder it is to defeat, the better because the excited feeling of adrenaline and confidence will last longer. A conflict addict is a pattern of behavior always looking for a fight or in a bad mood. They constantly look for enemies but cannot see the enemy that lies within them. This is dangerous. And those who are drawn into conflict must stop reliving the negative experiences of that conflict. But what if they do not?


When you experience conflict whether by an addict, a tumultuous situation, or your instigation of conflict, it causes worry, anxiety, stress, and fear. It lowers your energy and vibrations that attracts to you what you do not want. You must always carry peace within you, remaining calm and joyful regardless of outside circumstances, or what life dumps on you at any given moment. You must recdisrupted, feel its unpleasantness, understand it sucks and act to be in a better place of peace. You do not have to wait on someone, something nice, or a good situation to bring you that inner peace. Inner peace does not come from outside of you but within. Inner peace is:

• Being mentally and spiritually at peace.

• Freeing your mind from worry and negative thoughts.

• A state in which your mind is quiet and serene.

• A connection to your soul which is eternally at peace.


1. Accept and Live in the Present Moment Even in Moments You Do Not Like: It is what it is. Do not resist, argue, or struggle against it. Understand the lesson and what the present moment requires of you and act. When moving away, bring your attention back to the present moment with your focus on:

a. Being humane – kindness.

b. Feeling the aliveness in your body -heartbeat.

c. Looking and pondering on objects in your environment - nature.

d. Tasting and enjoy food or drink – tea and bread.

2. Do Not Judge the Situation: You label it as bad/unfair and put yourself in a cage with it. Free yourself from this cage of labeling/judging everything. ALL things work together for your good.

Learn the lessons.

3. Reframe Your Addictions: Understand why it is so important for you to instigate or engage in conflict situations to your detriment. Once understood:

a. Choose to look at the conflict differently from the others perspective.

b. Know that everyone is entitled to their viewpoint.

c. Respectfully disagree as appropriate.

d. Know that you are not defined by the conflict.

e. Act with good intentions.

4. Teach Your Mind to Become Still:

An unsettled mind cannot be at peace. Teach your mind to move toward tranquility through breathing, prayer, meditation, nature, etc.

5. Choose Thoughts that Make You:

Feel at Peace. Throughout the day pay attention to your thoughts. When noticed, disrupt them. I repeat seven things that are good about the negative thought in my mind.

Inner peace is linked to experiencing an overall BETTER life! The benefits of limiting conflict from others and within yourself, finding peace within the conflict, and achieving balance are:

• An ability to handle your day-to-day affairs.

• Higher energy levels and improved emotional management.

• Less drama, fewer worries, less stress, and positive outcomes.

• A kind and compassionate treatment toward others leading to better relationships.

• Liberation from negative societal comments.

• Clarity and focus when dealing with stressful challenges and opportunity.

• A good night’s sleep. Nobody can bring you peace but yourself!

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” Dalai Lama

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