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  • Writer's pictureGladys Agwai

How You Should Love Yourself

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” Rupi Kaur

The constant change, complexity, struggle, and pain in life are real and it touches every person in some way too often. It is hard to be confident, know that you are enough, and worthy to get through these challenges, excel, and be happy. As a result, you get trapped into a negative spiral of thinking, feeling, and reacting with inadequacy, shame, anger, loneliness, guilt, rejection, or the over drive to prove yourself to others. The greatest fear of humans is not being enough or loved. Your focus becomes giving and getting love and acceptance from others not in the best way while struggling to love yourself. You can only love another to the degree that you love yourself. To what degree to you love yourself?

When you love yourself, you appreciate and own your worth and value. No other affirmation is required because you “know”. Self-love means you will have higher levels of self-worth, esteem, and confidence to apply in all your life areas. You must recognize and stop engaging in negative self-rejection to avoid the rejection from others, like, “I am worthless.”, “I will never succeed”, “I will not be accepted.” or “I am not capable enough.” It can stop you from trying or in a meek way you go after what you want. You can only go as high as your self-esteem. Show self-love by:

• Taking actions that support your physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.

• Having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness.

• Taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

• Not settling for less than you deserve.

• Being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself. Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being first. It is your responsibility to figure out how to love yourself more to avoid confusion, addictions, and stop wasting time. You do not have to live on autopilot. Make conscious choices based on who you are and what you want. Self-love leads to better relationships, decision making, goal setting for you to achieve and live a better and more productive life.

Decide and commit “now” that you will:

Choose: Self-love is a choice. It is not found in someone else or an object. You must decide you want it enough to manage your toxic mindset. Say no to your internal selfhate and tell yourself the truth and seek progress over perfection.

Accept: Self-love is accepting who you are no matter awhat others think about you. Do not take what others think, say, or do personally. What you think is what matters and within your control. You are enough just as you are.

Discover: Self-love is an endless learning and growth journey of discovery. Get to know who you are, what you want, why, and what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve it. Enjoy the journey.

Forgive: Be aware, accept, be compassionate, and let go of the past pain you might have caused yourself or others. Your mistakes, actions, and non-actions that hurt you or others are in the past. Forgive yourself and do your best not to repeat it.

Be Grateful: Have gratitude for yourself and the things you have done. There are a lot of good things about yourself and what has happened in your life.

Focus: It is easier to be harsh and critical about your flaws and weaknesses. Shift your attention towards your strengths. Focus on your positive qualities, appropriate action, and results.

Demonstrate: Act by showing yourself that you love you. You do it for others. Remember you are in a relationship with yourself not just other people. You cannot sit around and wait on approval and love from others. Make it a priority to accept and love yourself first throughout your journey. It is in your best interest to be the happiest and best self that you can be.

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress.” Sophia Bush

Written By Gladys Agwai:

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