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  • Writer's pictureGladys Agwai

Why High Maintenance Relationships Are A Drag On Your Success

Are you allowing someone to hold you responsible in the various areas of their life when it is really their responsibility? Are you enabling your partner to continue to turn to you for their sense of worth, security, and lovability. Are you the caretaker in your relationships? Do you feel the demand for constant upkeep from personal and professional relationships is hard work? These relationships create problems and strife to get you to demonstrate love or commitment as you jump through unnecessary hoops while they depend on your emotional stability to stabilize them. Because they are so self focused and demanding, it has reduced you to a service provider that is not getting the job done. High maintenance people are like a ball and chain on your ankle. Those clients, personal and business partners, managers, co-workers, families, or friend relationships are unhealthy producing a toxic drain on your energy and results. `

It is important that you recognize the signs whether within yourself or others. Ayanna Guyhto says high maintenance people exhibit the following traits:

• Everything is urgent with a lot of needs and expectations.

• Ego with sense of entitlement, self-centered.

• Not self-sufficient by choice.

• Live on support for wrongs from their past and

cannot let things go.

• Takes no interest in your life and envious.

• Talk a lot for attention.

• Seldom satisfied.

• Agitated easily.

• Problems are always bigger, worse, or more extreme

than yours.

• Always in debt.

• Material status is important.

• Obsessed with details.

• Unsettled.

• Resent authority.

• Critical of others.

• Guilt and manipulation are used when they do not

get their way.

• Need constant reassurance, and lacks self-awareness.

• Never acknowledges your support.

Do you detect any of these traits within you or from those around you? Having or being around those with these traits can have a detrimental impact on achieving what you want. High maintenance relationships are exhausting. Some people refer to them as energy vampires as they work so hard to keep up with their constant demands, attitudes, and behaviors. Displaying empathy and compassion for others is not a bad thing but can be overwhelming when the burden is on your shoulders. Relationships must reciprocate by being there for you in your time of need. Otherwise, it can quickly weigh you down mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. People who are surrounded by drama, constantly complaining, or are an emotional wreck may be all around you. They are the ones who suck the energy out of you and leave you feeling emotionally drained anytime you interact.

When identifying an emotionally draining relationship, it is essential to look at how you respond when interacting and the toll it is taking on your mental health. Notice if:

• Your relationship is emotionally or physically exhausting, and you experience anxiety, fatigue, or frustration when you interact.

• You regularly make sacrifices to make sure their needs are met.

• You worry about their issues more than you do about your own well-being.

• Your positive feelings for them are starting to disappear.

• You cannot be yourself around them, or you censor your thoughts and feelings.

• You don't get a chance to ask for their advice or support.

• You no longer enjoy spending time with them or dread talking with them.

• You are changing your life to accommodate them.

No relationship is worth compromising your mental health or well-being. It is important to protect yourself emotionally. When you are regularly there for an emotionally draining friend, the best thing you can do for yourself is to counteract the stress you experience from your interactions with positive experiences. If possible, try to do something uplifting and inspiring. Pick something to ease your stress and get your mind off your friend's troubles. The key is to do something that keeps you from ruminating about their issues or solving their problems. Instead, do something that makes you feel loved and cared for.

Being surrounded by emotional maturity is key to your success. You cannot control others. So, prioritize the management of your stress that high maintenance relationships create. You can do this by understanding you are not their psychiatrist, being kind to them as human beings instead of trying to control them, setting boundaries to protect your space, time, and interests, prioritizing your own needs, being okay with saying no, exiting the relationship, giving them the tools to help themselves, or talking to someone who you trust. Remember it is not your fault they cannot manage or prioritize their problems. Be your best version to help them see and be their best version of themselves.

“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you,

grows you or makes you happy.”-Gladys Agwai

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